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I just found out that Google, Yahoo and Microsoft are contributing their technology to a new website called GoodTree that gives money to charity when you use it.

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3 Minute Management Course

 

Subject: 3 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.  

 

Lesson 2:

 

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,

"Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

 

 

Lesson 3:  

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch

when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want

those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say

This ends the 3-minute management course.

Joke : Have you anything to declare ?

A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight returning from
Switzerland. She finds herself seated next to a priest and asks;
"Excuse me father, may I ask a favour from you?"

"Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?" he replies.

"Here's the dilemma, I purchased for myself, a superbly sophisticated
electronic hair remover. I paid a lot of money for it. I really went
well over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear they will
confiscate it from me. Could you perhaps secrete it through Customs
for me under your robes?"

"I certainly could my dear, only I must warn you I really am unable to
ever lie..."

"You have such an honest face father, surely they will never ask any
questions of you," and with that she hands him the hair remover.

After landing they proceed through Customs and it becomes the father's
turn in line.
"Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Custom's officer.

"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son."

Finding this answer a little strange the custom's officer proceeds to
ask; "And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?"

The father replies, "I have a marvellous little instrument destined to
be used on a woman, but which has never yet been used..."
Roaring with laughter the Custom's officer says; "Go right through
Father."

"Next please!"

Joke: Apples & Wines

Apples and Wine

 Women are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want 
to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

 Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that
 aren't as good, but easy....   The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when
 in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right  man
 to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the
 top  of the tree.

Share this with women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

 Now :

 Men.... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit
out of  them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner  with.

AN ALTERNATIVE RETIREMENT HOME!

"AN ALTERNATIVE RETIREMENT HOME !"

There will be no nursing home in my future.........
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. 

 

The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day.  I have checked  on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and  Senior discount price of $135 per day.  That leaves $65 a day for:

1.  Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2.  I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3.  Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4.  They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5.  They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient.  An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6.  I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7.  TV broken?  Light bulb need changing?  Need to have the mattress replaced?  No Problem!  They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8.  Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9.  If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. 

If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best!  Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?  Princess will have a ship ready to go.  So don't look for me in a nursing home,

just call shore to ship.And on top of that, my wife says she will not go with me !!!

P.S.  And don't forget, when you die,they just dump you over the side at no charge.

 

the pops Age 64

DubyaSpeak.com : : We record the damage.

DubyaSpeak.com : : We record the damage.

check this out - http://www.dubyaspeak.com
click on DUBYA AUDIO top of page to hear Bush's many screw-ups.

My favourite has to be the journalist asking Bush during the Olympics whether he plans to
go to Athens, and Bush replied with: "Athens, Texas?"

?????!!!! God help America.

- Miss Ewok, creator of Body Snatchers... Shown on the National Geographic Channel

Great Passport Photo Tip !!
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